Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
