I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
