I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize