Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
