are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
