If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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