we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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