i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
