I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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