dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
