My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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