so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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