dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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