the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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