I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
