Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
