yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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