Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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