Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize