just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
