last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
