they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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