My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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