Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
