i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
