Your mouth is God's brothel.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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