I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
