One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
