so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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