Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
