i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
