his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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