I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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