so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
