I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
