i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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