I think I died a long time ago.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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