I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
