Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
