it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
