There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
