I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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