Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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