I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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