the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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