I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
