dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
