I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize