Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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