i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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