took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
