Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize