umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
