between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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