Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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