Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize