i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
