I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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