There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
