Even the bartender felt bad for me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
