im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
