So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
