Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize