C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
