ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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