the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
should my penis look like a turkey
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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