ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
