DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
