Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
