Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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