better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
