I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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