How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
