he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
