how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
