OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
whose parrot is this?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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