Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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