About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
