I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
