dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
