every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize