I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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