Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have fence marks all over my body
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
