I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
