I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
