Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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