i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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